The movie industry just can’t get it together.
Hollywood studios are desperately looking to offset their abysmal summer box-office with new and original projects.
And now the desperate filmmakers are planning an all-female adaptation for one of America’s greatest novels.
Remember when Sony thought it would be a good idea to do an all-female reboot of Ghostbusters?
It wasn’t just a really bad idea, but it made for an even worse movie filled with unfunny slapstick comedy—which was the exact opposite of what made the original an instant classic.
In 2018, you can now expect an all-female Ocean’s Eleven movie called Ocean’s Eight, where Danny Ocean’s estranged sister Debbie Ocean, played by Sandra Bullock, leads her lady crew in a heist which includes actresses Cate Blanchett (the Brad Pitt-style character), Rihanna, Mindy Kaling, and Sarah Paulson.
Regardless of whether the movie turns out to be good, Hollywood will be shotgunning feminist movies at you.
And that includes a perplexing decision to make an all-female version of Lord of the Flies, but it seems they kind of missed the point on what this movie is about.
“Hollywood is planning an all-female remake of Lord of the Flies.
William Golding’s 1954 classic is one of the greatest books ever written about toxic masculinity.
Indeed, the author took pains to point out that his story – about a group of schoolboys on a desert island who slowly descend into savagery – just wouldn’t make sense if girls were involved.
“I think women are foolish to pretend they’re equal to men – they’re far superior, and always have been.
“But one thing you can not do with them is take a bunch of them and boil them down into a set of little girls who would then become a kind of image of civilisation, or society. That’s another reason why they aren’t little girls.”
No, indeed. And if the two (male) scriptwriters approach their material with any psychological acuity, then the outcome will be very different from the one in the book.
Then, of course, there is the problematic character of Piggy. In Golding’s book he is hunted down and killed for the crime of being fat and wearing glasses – thus creating great pathos and generating appalled horror in the reader’s mind that such evil should lurk within a bunch of apparently sweet, innocent, civilised English schoolboys.
But in any female-friendly update this clearly wouldn’t work. If only the all-female adaptation had been made, say, 20 years ago, an easy solution would have presented itself: the female Piggy character would have been ostracized by her more attractive classmates (who would form groups based rigidly on looks, blondeness and acid-tongued bitchery) and eventually fat-shamed to death.
But now, unfortunately, the rules have changed to the point where girls have been brainwashed into thinking that fatness is a desirable attribute, bespeaking emancipation and empowerment.
So likely what will happen in the new version – plot spoiler alert – is that the Piggy character will be venerated as a goddess.
Construction parties will be established to collect wood sufficiently strong to hold her ample physique on her special throne; others will embark on a quest to find wood to provide the dye needed to color her hair the correct shade of gorgeous, liberated, woke blue; still others will scour the forests and shores for tasty titbits sufficient to maintain the Sow-Goddess’s mighty daily calorie intake.
Tragically, the effort involved will cause the entire colony to die of starvation.
The final scene will feature a typical Royal Navy officer – played either by Ellen De Generes or Oprah Winfrey (casting to be announced) – arriving just in time to catch the Sow-Goddess, still sitting on her throne, but now emaciated almost to the point of looking slim and attractive (oh the irony!), gasping her final breath…
But going by what the writers have told Deadline, they’re taking an even more politically correct route.”
Another theme is how a civilization unravels through male savagery, however, by continuing with the same message, but with women, would be anti-feminist.
So either they’re scrapping the idea that women are just as capable of breaking down society with ruthless innate behavior, or the filmmakers don’t actually realize what they’re conveying.